I love my Aunt, she is a very tough Lady who has been through the proverbial shit. She’s my sole connection to learning about where I come from on my Mother’s side of the family, and she can tell stories about how it was back when she was a child in the 1940’s all the way up to the present, and how things have changed.
We get older, and we start breaking down physically, absolutely, mentally, almost absolutely.
We were talking on the phone recently, and I was asking her if my Grandfather had any medical issues, that I have, which are typically hereditary, and sure enough he did. She said ‘This getting old stuff isn’t for Wimps!‘ and man, that’s so true.
I know people have said this before, but in my mind, I feel like I’m probably 20 years old, with a slightly worse memory, but my body, yeah I talk about being an old man on here, but the truth is I’ll turn 57 this year, and while a lot of people these days wouldn’t automatically call that ‘old’ it really feels that way to me, it spooks me to think how I’ll feel physically if I get to 60.
My Mother was another very tough Lady, she and my Aunt were kind of the ‘you just keep on going, and don’t let ____ stop you..’ influences in my life. My Mom passed away 15 years ago, and I know it sounds like I’m being a little kid, but her passing away truly broke me, I know without any doubt that having gone through that experience has degraded me both physically and mentally, but I ‘keep on going..’ like my Mom would have wanted.
Lately, I’ve been checking out old family photos, and found a really good collection of old photos from where I grew up, and browsing through all of that, I guess the best word I can use to describe it would be melancholic.
I see the photos, and I remember what it was like back then.. I have never been a person to make long term plans. I suppose I hoped that after school, I could get a job in the Steel Mill, or at one of the Auto Plants, I went with the flow, but decades go by, and man, you start feeling like a different person. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for my life as it is, I have a Wife and a Daughter, I would never have imagined myself in that situation. I never figured that would be a reality for me. I was married once before, and I should never have done that, I grew from that, learned lessons, etc, and I promised never to make that kind of commitment again, but this time, even though we’d been together for more than a decade (and had a child), it just felt right. So yes, I’m lucky, but I’m probably quite a distance from ‘normal’ in anyone’s book, so how I’m dealing with these medical issues, is probably not the way most people do. I understand that, as I age, my body becomes less dependable, becomes slower, and weaker. I can’t run anymore, I don’t remember when that happened, but the best I can do is a wobbly jog.
I cannot explain to you how depressing that is to me.
But I ‘keep on going..’
I’m not sure what I had intended to make of this post, but when I started writing, all of this sort of came spilling out. I think that ultimately, I need to be thankful for all that I have, and all the experiences, and memories I have. I know I’m fortunate, and yeah, the ‘getting old’ thing is tough, and definitely not for Wimps, but I have no intention to stop collecting new experiences and making new memories.